Always
by GirlyGeek
Summary: Anders and Hawke have a heart to heart, and fully dedicate themselves to each other. Rated M (just to be on the safe side) for sexual references, but no actual sex.


I finished the current chapter of _Dragon Guardian:_ _Water_ that I was working on, and in light of the chill it filled me with, I decided to write something that was pure, unadulterated fluff. This my first ever time writing M/M fluffiness, so please be gentle!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything pertaining to the Dragon Age franchise...unfortunately.

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**Always**

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Lightly dozing as he lay on his side, Apollo smiled and a soft purr rumbled in his throat as Anders nuzzled and kissed along his shoulder. "Awake already, are we?" he asked while slowly opening an eye and giving a small, delighted shiver as Anders' thumb brushed over a particularly sensitive patch of skin on his stomach. It was a spot that only Anders knew about—a special spot to the left of Apollo's belly button that was capable of making him almost completely hard with a few strokes. Anders had found it the very first time he and Apollo had made love, and it had become the healer's favorite way of teasing his lover to distraction and letting him know when he was in the mood.

Apollo never questioned it.

He never fought it.

He always welcomed it.

In matters of the bedroom, or any aspect of their domestic life for that matter, Apollo _always_ deferred to Anders' needs and wants because Apollo knew how little control Anders had previously had over his life in his past. All those years of being the in the Circle…being told how to behave, and living in a constant state of fear and oppression…Anders _needed_ to feel in control of his life now, and Apollo was more than willing to help him in that regard. It meant making himself available to Anders' every need and want.

_Anything_ Anders asked of him, Apollo would do…

Even if it was something simple as holding him after he had awoken from a nightmare, Apollo was glad to do it all. It was _all_ for the man he loved, and Apollo trusted that his beloved would never abuse that power. However, once they were outside the walls of the mansion, Apollo's submissiveness vanished in favor of assuming the role of his lover's stalwart protector—rushing to his defense whenever Anders needed him, and killing _all_ who tried to hurt him.

But they were not outside the mansion right now…

"I've always been a light sleeper," Anders murmured softly before kissing the crook of Apollo's neck. "When you've escaped the Circle as often as I have, it becomes something of a necessity."

Apollo slowly shifted and rolled over onto his other side so he was facing his beloved-their legs automatically tangling together. "You don't have to worry about that anymore, my love," he said fervently as he wrapped one arm around Anders and raised his free hand to cup his cheek-both eyes open now. "I won't let _anyone_ hurt you. So long as I am by your side, I _will_ keep you safe. I _won't_ lose you...not like I lost..." His voice trailed off and he set his jaw against the memory.

"Not like you lost Bethany?" Anders asked gently-knowing how much the loss of his sister still weighed upon his beloved.

"We'll, yes...but not just her." Apollo's eyes were sad. "Bethany was not the only one I lost that day."

"Tell me," Anders urged gently as he raised a hand to lovingly smooth Apollo's long, crimson hair.

"Do you really want to hear about a former lover of mine?" Apollo asked softly.

"_You_ know about Karl and how he was my _first_," Anders began softly. "Aside from you, _he_ was the only lover who ever meant anything to me. The two of you were the only _real_ relationships I had. My other few lovers, if you can even call them that, are not worth mentioning because they were nothing more than quick tumbles...because I simply couldn't allow myself to become emotionally entangled with anyone. Being trapped in the Circle, and then being on the run as often as I was...tying myself to anyone simply would not have been wise." There was a slight bitterness to his voice.

Apollo sighed softly. "Her name was Lyssa," he said with a small, fond smile.

"_Her_ name?" Anders asked with gentle, but obvious curiosity.

"Yes..._her_ name," Apollo said softly with a small nod. "She was a girl I knew back in Lothering...so _very_ beautiful with her golden hair that fell to the small of her back, and eyes bluer than the summer sky. She was a little waif of a thing because she had been a sickly child, but her soul was kind and nurturing, and her heart was big and warm…much like _yours_. She knew what I was...and she didn't care. She kept my secret, and she soon fell in love with me...and I loved her in return. We were truly happy. Our plan was to marry in a small, private ceremony when Carver returned from Ostegar, and then live a quiet life together...but I lost her when Lothering fell to the Darkspawn." A tear rolled down his cheek. "I couldn't even give her a proper burial because of all the chaos ensuing around me...I was forced to leave her battered, broken body behind amidst the ruins and the flames so I could get Bethany and mother to safety." Another tear rolled down his cheek. "Not even two hours later...I lost my sister to the Darkspawn as well." He hung his head.

Anders lovingly stroked Apollo's hair. "I _am_ sorry, my darling," he murmured. "I know how devastating it is to lose _one_ loved one, but _two_ in the same day...I cannot even begin to know that pain."

"I promised Lyssa I would keep her safe. When she accepted my marriage proposal, I vowed to her on my life that I would protect her," Apollo sad sadly.

"There was nothing you could have done, Apollo," Anders said gently while wrapping his arms around his lover and cradling him close. "I'm certain that Lyssa never once blamed you."

"It doesn't matter if _she_ did_. I_ blamed myself," Apollo said bitterly. "I mourned Lyssa for well over a year...so convinced that I would _never_ love again that you could almost say I was determined to remain alone. I focused entirely on the needs of my remaining family and never gave love a second thought." Apollo slowly raised his gaze to Anders. "And then I met _you_," he whispered. "I met _you_...and then the world became beautiful again," he murmured before kissing Anders' lips tenderly. "I met _you_...and over the course of the following years, my heart warmed and melted away the walls of ice I had erected around it." He kissed his lover again. "You healed my heart with your warm eyes, tender smile, and your gentle nature."

Anders smiled softly. "Yours was not the only heart that was healed upon our meeting, my love," he murmured before kissing Apollo tenderly. "_You_ made my heart stronger. _You_ made me see that in spite of all the ugliness in the world...that there _is_ still some measure of beauty and goodness to be found." He kissed him again, and when the kiss broke, he simply rested his forehead against Apollo's and regarded him with half-lidded eyes.

Apollo raised an eyebrow at his lover and grinned with mild cheek. "You sounded surprised at the fact that I loved a woman before you and I met," Apollo said with a soft chuckle.

Anders chuckled softly. "Forgive me, sweetheart...but you simply didn't seem the type."

"It's the hair, isn't it?" Apollo asked with a small smirk.

Anders chuckled again. "It _is_ quite lovely hair," he replied while reverently stroking the crimson locks. "Not many men outside of Hightown take such care of their hair as you do, and many was the time before we returned from the Deep Roads expedition that I saw you fiddling with it and combing your fingers through it in a desperate attempt at keeping it free of tangles while we were without our packs and supplies."

Apollo smiled sheepishly. "It's the one thing I'm vain about...always has been, ever since I was a child. Don't know why...just one of those things I suppose," he said with a small shrug. "But getting back to the topic of my..._preferences_, even when my body began changing and I began growing curious about certain things...I was never primarily attracted to a specific gender. I was able to find beauty in both." He sighed softly. "Perhaps it was because I was aware at a very early age, that if I was to find true love...I would have to look _beyond_ the physical and instead focus on the spiritual. It takes a very special kind of person to love an Apostate...to accept them for what they are, as well as accept the type of life that comes with them. Practically living in hiding for fear of being found out by Templars...it's not the sort of life that appeals to many," Apollo said softly. "Perhaps subconsciously, I knew that my sexuality would have to be fluid so that when I _did_ find someone who was willing to love me...someone with whom my soul connected, I wouldn't be put off by what _was_ or _wasn't_ between their legs."

Anders blinked. "That...actually makes sense."

Apollo smiled softly at his lover. "My first love happened to be a beautiful woman, and my second love...who I'm hoping will also be my _last,_ happens to be a beautiful man." He softly cleared his throat. "I wasn't lying during our first night together when I said I had never done this before." He blushed a bit in his cheeks. "You _were_ my first man."

Anders chuckled softly and smiled as his fingers lightly brushed over Apollo's back. "I simply assumed you were a virgin."

"Technically I _was_," Apollo replied with a soft chuckle. "I _was_ a virgin when it came to being with a man." He grinned cheekily. "But that didn't last long. You saw to that." He softly kissed Ander's lips before playfully nipping his chin.

Anders' grinned lazily. "I couldn't help myself...after aching for you for _three_ years, I simply couldn't get enough of you once I finally had you in my arms." He claimed Apollo's lips in a long, slow kiss. "And you were _so_ eager and willing to learn..." he murmured once the kiss broke. "I still remember what you said once I was inside of you...'don't stop...in the name of the Maker, please never stop'." He softly kissed Apollo's lips again. "Those words were sweeter than any music upon your voice...I couldn't bring myself to deny your request," he grinned cheekily. "Though after three years of abstinence, you pushed my endurance well past its limit," he added with a soft chuckle.

Apollo purred low in his throat and smiled against Anders' lips. "I couldn't help myself. After three years of feeling mentally and spiritually at one with you...I finally felt completely at one with you, and I didn't want that feeling to go away." He bit his bottom lip lightly-suddenly feeling very shy. "And the moment you were inside of me...I _finally _felt as though I was home."

Anders tilted his head to the side a little and regarded Apollo with a small, curious smile.

Apollo blushed a little. "What I'm trying to say is...on that night when we made love for the very first time...this mansion finally stopped feeling like nothing more a pile of bricks and mortar to me." He smiled softly. "It _finally _felt like _home. _The entire city of Kirkwall _finally_ felt like _home_...and it was all because of _you_. _You_ are my home, Anders...and you always will be."

It was Anders' turn to smile shyly as a light blush colored his cheeks. "No one's ever said that to me before...not even Karl," he admitted. "Why didn't you tell me that on that night? If ever there was a perfect time to say it, it would've been after we confessed our love for each other."

Apollo sighed softly before he lightly nipped his lover's bottom lip. "I didn't know if it would be too much too soon," he replied. "You were so patient with me in guiding me through my clumsy fumbles when it was _my_ turn to be inside _you_...I didn't want to push my luck, and I wanted to please you _so_ badly. After three years of dancing around our feelings for each other, I wanted you to feel as though the wait was worth it."

"Our first time would have been worth it even if it had been awkward, because it would have been with _you_," Anders said pointedly while gazing deeply into Apollo's eyes. "All I ever wanted was _you,_ my love." He affectionately rubbed his nose against his lover's. "Besides, when a pair of lovers come together for the first time, it's expected that things not flow smoothly at first." He smiled lovingly. "And I happen to think that your slight awkwardness at the time was unbelievably charming, adorable, and it made me love you all the more." He kissed Apollo tenderly. "I wish you had told me...how _else_ am I to know just how much you care?" he asked playfully with a teasing wink.

Apollo smiled. "During my teen years, I had a few infatuations, with some boys in the village...and _one_ Templar recruit, but nothing ever came of any of them...and the attraction I felt for them was _nothing_ compared to what I feel for you." He pressed a lingering kiss to Anders' lips. "_None_ of them did to me what _you_ do," he whispered huskily.

"A _Templar_?" Anders asked incredulously after blinking.

"Nothing ever came of it," Apollo repeated. "I knew it would have been foolish to let my feelings progress beyond infatuation, but I would have been blind indeed not to notice what a dashing figure he cut. Unlike other Templars who look so imposing and even terrifying in their armor...he looked _adorable_...like a boy playing knight with his father's armor." He smiled fondly. "Even Bethany mooned over him from afar."

Anders smiled softly. "I never met your sister, but the mental picture I currently have the two of you mooning over the same boy together is adorable and sweet to say the least."

Apollo chuckled softly. "As I said, nothing ever came of the feelings I had for any of my infatuations. In truth...as much as I longed to find someone who could love me, I was terrified of tying myself to anyone. In the event that they proved untrustworthy of keeping my secret, I would've had _everything_ to lose...my freedom as well as the welfare of my family. I simply couldn't let anything happen to them after promising my father on his deathbed that I..." He bit his bottom lip. "...that I would take care of them."

Anders' arms slipped around Apollo and cradled him close. "Regardless of what you may think, my love, what happened to Bethany was _not_ your fault...any more than what happened to Carver."

"It _would_ have been if _you_ hadn't been there, my love," Apollo replied fervently before kissing Anders' lips earnestly. "If you hadn't been there in the Deep Roads with us, my brother would have perished." He gazed deeply into his beloved's eyes. "I will _never_ forget what you did...not even when we're old and grey."

Anders' heart fluttered wildly before it melted into a warm pool within his chest. "You want to stay with me that long?" he asked softly.

Apollo moved his hands so they both cupped his beloved's face. "I will _never_ let you go," he said firmly. "Wherever _you_ go, _I_ will go too. Even if I were to die before you, I would turn away from the Maker and stay by your side as a ghost. I will _not_ go to His side without you."

A lone tear rolled down Anders' cheek, and he did not bother hiding it. "Beloved..." he whispered. "Sweetest, _dearest _Apollo…no one has ever made such a promise to me before." He smiled lovingly and lightly rubbed his nose against Apollo's before another tear rolled down his cheek, and he sobbed softly.

Apollo gently tucked a lock of golden hair behind Anders' ear before tenderly wiping away his beloved's tears with the pad of his thumb. "My love? Dearest, what is it?" he asked worriedly.

"It's just...I have never felt this closely bonded to anyone before...never knew it was possible to love any _one_ person this much..." Anders said softly. "Not even with Karl did I feel so...close, so completely..._intertwined_." He kissed Apollo's lips fervently before framing his handsome face with his hands. "I would _willingly_ die for you, Apollo. I would readily sacrifice _everything_ if it meant keeping you safe, my love."

Apollo moved his hands from Anders' face in favor of taking one of his lover's hands and pressing it against his heart. "My heart beats for _you_, Anders," he said fervently. "And it will always and forever more." He rested his forehead against his beloved's. "I pledge myself to you _forever,_ my love. I love you, Anders...more than my own life, I love you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you...nothing I could _ever_ deny you, and not even the Maker will take me from your side."

"And what will your mother say to that?" Anders asked with only a little cheek-his eyes reflecting just how much he loved Apollo, and how much his vow meant to him.

Apollo grinned and gave a small shrug. "If she starts hinting about grandchildren, we can always adopt."

Anders chuckled softly before growing serious as he tangled his long, gentle fingers into Apollo's crimson hair and kissed him earnestly-blissful tears rolling down his cheeks all the while. "_Everything_ I do from this moment onwards is for _you_, my precious soulmate," he murmured against his beloved's lips once the kiss had broken. "_Never_ doubt that, my beloved. _Never_ doubt that _everything_ I do is out of love for you."

"Why would I ever doubt that?" Apollo asked. "I _know_ that you love me," he added with a smile.

"It's just..." Anders nervously bit his bottom lip.

"What?" Apollo asked gently.

"The situation with the Templars...it's only going to get worse. I can feel it," Anders said. "I have a feeling that it will bring out the worst in me, and I fear what will happen to _us_ if you see it." He sighed softly. "It might cause you to question things, and I can only hope that you will never question my love for you."

Apollo rested his forehead against Anders'. "_Nothing_ in this world or the next will _ever_ make me doubt or question your love for me. I love you, and you love me. We're a family now. _You_ are now part of my family, Anders. That means we're in this together. Whatever life, the Maker, or even the Templars throw at us, we will face it together...side by side, hand in hand." As if to drive his point home, he laced his fingers through Anders' and gripped his hand tightly. "I know that you're used to being alone and fending for yourself, but that's no longer the case, my love." He smiled. "You have _me_ now." He kissed his beloved's hand. "I'm here now, and I will _always_ take care of you. I will _always _protect you. You are _mine_, and I am _yours_, and I will _always_ have your back."

Anders was silent for several moments as he simply gazed at the beautiful man who had crawled so deeply into his heart and made a home. It felt as though Apollo had _always _been there, and Anders could not imagine his beloved not being in his life. After so many years of being on the run and being on his own, Anders _finally_ knew that he could finally stop running. He was home at _last_. He threw his arms around Apollo and buried his face in the crook of his neck. "I love you," he sobbed. "Oh, Apollo...Maker, how I love you, Apollo!"

Apollo wrapped his arms tightly around Anders and cradled him close while nuzzling his hair. "I love _you_, Anders...you dear, sweet, wonderful and utterly _beautiful_ man. I love you down to the very marrow of your bones, and I will always be by your side..._always."_

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**A/N:** If you're a fan of Dragon Age as well as of my writing, _please_ check out my newly-published novel, _Dragon Guardian: Fire_, the first novel in my Dragon Guardian series. The link for the website can be found on my profile page!


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